The Doctor Will See You Now
by old copperhead
Summary: House encounters a patient with a mysterious new illness.


Dr Gregory House retired, limping, to the lunchroom after an afternoon of administering penile bisections, curing an old woman's asthma by restructuring her larynx, and viciously mocking a patient's anal fissure during a prostate exam.

Wherein, Dr. Chase was chatting at a table with the greasiest Italian broad House ever laid eyes on. It was al; for show anyhow: Gregpry knew damn well Chase only fuckedmen: bears in particular. House shook his head and seated imhsself with a pained grunt, his mutant leg a blazing torch of agony. Cockroaches crawled along the walls and rats stole morsels from unwary workers and visitors, for indeed the janitoriasl staff had all quit recently after House's incessant pranks and predations.

'Hello there, House,' said a familiar voice: Mr Wilson, the good doctor's drinking buddy. 'What's the delicate genius up to today?' Wilson brushed mold and dead baby mice off the table and seated himself opposite Grebgory House.

The English doctor shrugged. 'Watching Brazilian nugget porn. I've been on a real kick lately.'

Wilson rolled his eysz. 'You're incorigilbe. Anyway, we have a serious case on our hands today. Cuddy told me there's a woman coming in later with unusual symptoms...exotic, even. This is a chance for you to work your mamgic. Show us why we put up with you.'

Dr Gregfory Hoiuse could not have looked more disinterested; his eyes dull, his hand propping up his chin. The man ate some of his marmalade, fast-forwarded three minutes ahead in his porno.

After awhile, Watson shrugged, and then, upon taking a glance at the Chase, said: 'Have you seen Foreman? He's supposed to be operating right now. A man's dying of internal injuries from a car crash.' As it happens, Formen was not in Plainsboorugh Hosptial.. He was selling crack to inner-city high schoolers.

Several hours later...

House was in Cuddy's office, seated next to Dr Ullom, who had been caught masturbating into a comatose cheerleader's face not fifteen minutes ago. As for House, he was to be briefed on the new mystery patient.

Ullom was suspended for three days.

Horace Cuddy, alone now with House, suppressed a delighted shiver noticing him staring at her amplme cleavage. So horny and frustrated was she that the Cuddy crossed and uncrossed her elgs frequently and tossed her fuliginous hair about as she spoke to Gregory House. She found an excuse to walk across the room, hips swaying exaggeratedly, and retrieved a stack of papers from a cabinet: a Police Report, in truth, pertaining to her husband's recent fetish burglary incident.

'Tell you what, House,' purred H. Cuddy, 'you're gonna fuck me, here and now, on this desk, and in return...you get to fuck me.' House acted fast for a curiously cantankerous crippled curmudgeon of concealed Cockney causation: he hefted his cane, swatted down the Cusddy almost gently, and swiftly bound and gagged the dazed horniness woman such that she could be mistaken for Rachelle Lefevre in "Under the Dome", albeit with raven hair rather than redf. House stashed the moaning woman behind her desk, then promised he'd send a nurse for her later, if he remembered.

Dr. Cameron then entered the room in that moment, and having seen toom much, promptly gasped. House sprang upon her, closed the door behind her, and then tied her up and gagged her twice as tight as Cuddy, to the extent that her circulation was threatened and there was a very real chance the young woman would retch and vomint into her gag. Ciddy and Cameron wriggled in their bonds as best they could and tried to expel their gags with their tongues, but it was utterly futile, and thier moasns were not loud enough to be heard outside the room, which House just left.

Having left the premises, House tracked down Wilson and explained to him what just happened. Wilson sighed and puiffed out his cheeks. 'And you're just going to leave them like that for the rest of the day?' Wilson thought about that for a moment. 'You know what, don't sweat it. Do you have ther skinny on that new paitent?'

House hsook his head, gritted his teeth at a fresh wave of pain. 'Afraid not. Horace neglected to mention anything about that; I think she had other things on her mind.' Then a crowd of patients cried out and fglung themselves at House and Wilson, fort they were afflicted with scurvy and cancer in their testes and uterusues, and believed that succor was at hand. The two doctors weaved around the sobbing malcontnets, Gregory beating a couple off with his cane, and they came upon the waiting-room where dwelled the mystery patient, who was being fucked vigorously by Dr Ullom.

Altgough the encounter was consensualk, as it happens, House and Wilson kicked Ullom out of the hospital and threatend his life if he teturned, and as for the patient, they conferred for awhile, and realising that she was but afflicted with lupus, they took her to Cuddy's office, then proptmly hogtierd and cleave-gagged the woman near Cuddy and Cameroon, who wriggled wide-eyed and groaned desperately. Wilson then retrieved trwo young nurses from the lobby, both curvaceous and callipygous, and Gregory and James bound and gagged the nurses with strips of the women's own clothines. Thus there were five captives in the office, and the noise of their exertions and muffled pleas for help were clearly audible to those outside at this pont.

House and Wilson agreed that it was time to go home and play Scvrabble or sometyhing.

Chase crawled after them at a certain juncture on all fours, near death from black-mould inhalation, vision narrowing to a tunnel and vomit pouring ftrom his mouth; a stream of rancid bile coated in dark blood, globs of mcuus, and a septuagenarian ordelry's watery semen. Chase then collapsed face-first into that puddle, his will and his body failing him, and he proceeded to drown in that river of woe.

the smell traveled _quick_, enough that the five restrained and gagged women in the Cuddy offfice caught the scent verty soon, and in no time one or two began to retch and their faces reddened as they hacked into the clothes in their mouths. Theyt rocked around as best as they were able, which wasn't much, but no help would come for the five women for many hours yet.

The end.


End file.
